Heartbreak.......

The things that hurt are the ones we ignore.

Truth's that spring on us from nowhere aren't as painful as one we ignored the clues for. Little hints the world throws and we ignore them.

I'd been ignoring the way bear felt for awhile.
She wasn't interested in me. WHy would she be, she had a husband. A child.
The things we would never do. The people we would never be involved with. Something deep inside adds them to the list. We do always want what we can't have.

But there were 2 almost consecutive realisations, and neither could be ignored.
The superman shirt was worn to work. This was as a lost bet. Dont get me wrong, it's my kinda shirt, but I didnt wear it to work......

So the Bear insulted me over the shirt. Charming too. A direct full faced slap of her opinion. She didnt mean it to be offensive. It just was. Which made it a little worse, because she saw me react and didnt twitch.

Then I got sick. An entire week off work.
Best friend messaged me constantly, he was concerned, as you are with your best mate.
The bear didn't. We had seemingly moved categories from inseperable to uncaring.

It is not unusual to notice that daily contact with someone suddenly doesn't exist. and it's not wrong to check on people.
But she didn't.

I would.

I would check on the whereabouts of any of the people I work with if one of them wasn't there for a week.
I guess the world has changed more than I realise.

And in some ways, I've left myself in the dark too.

What did I fall in love with? She was not who I thought she was. Is it an act on her part? Or wishful thinking on mine?

If only I was here permanently to find it out. .....